I was this fat and ugly girl. To make the matter worse, I was so dark in complexion. My legs were curved like a yam. To be honest, I wasn’t as beautiful and sexy like other girls were. My self-esteem was gone a long time ago. I couldn’t stand in the midst of other girls as I was always feeling worthless. I never had friends like that. I guess they never wanted to associate with a beast like me. I can’t even remember the last time a guy asked me out. This is to tell you how fatal my case was.
There was just one good thing about me. I was really brilliant. I was even studying medicine and surgery in one of the prestigious University in Nigeria. I was indeed a genius. Well, I couldn’t have it all. I had the brains but not the looks. I hated being called ‘fat and black’. I was given so many awful names by my colleagues because of my looks. I remember how a guy had openly said I had yam legs. It was really hurtful.
We had just concluded one of our Anatomy practical and we were walking out of the lab when I almost slipped. I immediately got a grip of myself. Desmond, one of my course mates had walked passed me and said: “Be careful dear and don’t fall with these your yam legs”. He giggled and left. I just faked a smile and headed towards my hostel. I was really pained by his words but that wasn’t the first time I had received such comment.
I walked down the bubbling street heading towards my hostel. Immediately I got to my hostel, I burst into hot tears. It then dawned on me that I wasn’t loved by any. I didn’t even love my looks in the first place. So, why would anyone love me?
I wanted to calm my nerves. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to feel good. So, I took a deadly step. I left my hostel and went to one dilapidated environment which was a stone thrown from my hostel. That was the home for louts and rascals though. All manner of hard drugs and substances were sold there. I just wanted to get something to make me feel good for just that moment.
That was the greatest mistake I made. I was given a mixture of some powdered substances. I just wanted to take a little, feel good for that moment and move on with my life. When I took the first sniff, I had this overwhelming feeling I had never felt before. I found solace. I bought more of the substance and I hurriedly dashed to my hostel to sniff all.
Soon, I became addicted to the substance. It became my daily bread. Anytime I was body shamed, I would rush to my hostel and take some to make me feel good. I discovered I couldn’t read the way I used to read. So, I started taking the substance before reading. I spent all my money buying the substance.
I was just 21 years old and was in my third year in medical school. My zeal for learning dropped drastically. My grades dropped too. Most times, I would skip classes and stay in my hostel all day long sniffing that substance. I knew my actions were wrong. Most times I would cry and would want to stop taking that substance but I couldn’t. I had become so addicted to it.
“Help me!” I had screamed. I was walking towards the examination hall. It was the beginning of our second-semester examination. I could hear strange voices which others couldn’t hear. “Help me..” I had screamed again. Some people ran to hold me but I kept on screaming. Soon, I took off my clothes, gave one of them a fierce bite and ran to the bush. I was suffering from psychosis.
Written By Isibor Precious, Delta State University, Abraka, NIGERIA