It was raining that Wednesday afternoon, we had just finished with Mat115 class. Many students decided to go under the rain just for the fun it, others had umbrella with them but since I had no umbrella, I decided to stay back in class until the rain dwindled. I was going through the notes and on looking up, there he was, staring at me with his beautiful eyes, it was Taiwo the love of my life. It’s been five weeks since we started dating, he was in 300L while I was in 100L. After we met at the school canteen few weeks back, we couldn’t hold back the feelings in fact it was ‘LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT’. What are you doing here I asked him, smiling at me he said ‘since it was raining, I decided to come take my baby home’ then he held my right hand and caressed it gently making me feel so flucky. Taiwo had a car so that actually made me one of the luckiest girls on campus as many girls wanted to be in my position.
We left the class and headed to his car which was parked at the entrance of the class. I was living on campus while he stayed off campus and since I didn’t have any other class for the day, he insisted we should go to his place. I didn’t object after all he was my boyfriend and I loved him very much but I never knew that outing would do more harm than good to my flourishing life. We got to his house and he fixed a cup of hot tea for us. I slept off after taking the tea only for me to wake up by 6:45pm. When I woke up, he was in the kitchen preparing spaghetti and I beckoned on him to come take me back to school because it was already late, he insisted I must eat before going and since I didn’t want to hurt him in anyway, I agreed. After eating, I stood up and asked him to come take me home, he lay still on the bed and acted like he didn’t hear me, I said it a second time the he stood up and drew me closer to himself, he looked deeply into my eyes and for some seconds I thought I was going to pass out, he drew me even closer and kissed me passionately, I held him so tight and wouldn’t let go then this time, I planted my lips on his and kissed him, for some minutes we couldn’t stop kissing, the tension between us became stronger and every single touch felt like a lightning strike and before we knew what was happening, we were in bed already and the love making began, four minutes later we both came, it was a jaw-dropping experience for us and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Few weeks after the incident, it dawned on me that I was pregnant with Taiwo’s baby. OH MY GOD! What have I done? What have I gotten myself into? Why did I let this happen? I broke down in tears and thought of what would become of my academics, I immediately went to Taiwo’s house to tell him about it, he didn’t hesitate to tell me to abort it saying he wasn’t ready to father a child plus I was only seventeen and there was no point for me keeping the child and putting my academics on hold. Taiwo do you realize what you’re asking me to do? I asked him amidst tears, abortion is a sin, you’re practically asking me to murder someone, I can’t do it! I screamed at him and left his house feeling devastated and downcast, I was so ashamed of myself, I thought about how disappointed my parents would be if they should find out about it, my father would certainly disown me. I thought about my academics, I couldn’t afford to drop out and shatter my dreams of becoming a microbiologist. However, after some days of pain and agony I decided to go for the abortion, I remember praying to God to take away my life during the process and I wished he would answer me, I couldn’t just live with the fact that I was about becoming a murderer because for all I know, abortion is murder. The thought of all these made me feel like taking my own life for I felt the entire world came crashing on my head. I was so lugubrious and disconsolate more like darkness had beclouded my entire life.
I did the abortion and I came out alive perhaps God wanted me to live to regret my actions. Every night I kept hearing the cry of a baby ‘mummy why, why did you cut short my life, why did you do this to me, mummy why’ it went on and on that I thought I was losing my mind. The very thought of the fact that I killed someone kept being fresh day after day in my heart, I kept asking God for forgiveness and I hoped he would forgive me. Howbeit, I couldn’t forgive myself for all I did, I am a murderer, I murdered an innocent soul and that was the onus I had to live with for the rest of my life.
Written by Awujo Onyinyechi Diamond, University of Ilorin, Kwara State, NIGERIA.