God created the whole world and made it beautiful. I thought and thought, and suddenly I had an idea of where to start from, that is imagining the world from its physical and psychological point of view. Many things seem attractive but deceptive, not all that glitters is gold. Many a time I feel lonely, especially when I am less busy or when I hear my friends talking about what they received or sent to their friends. It might be text, voice notes, gifts, or something else. Sometimes, it sounds romantic, hilarious, ridiculous, and even tragic.
An introvert I stand, however, I believe if someone is really serious about love, parents are to be informed. Omniscience is of course impossible for us. One day something happened, it was a little incident but it gave me a better glimpse than I had before. A girl said to my roommate, she could not bear to leave him and wanted to be with him forever. The guy told her to leave him alone, and never to call him again. A few minutes later, the girl sent a voice note crying and asking him why he would do such things to her and begging him not to end the relationship.
At that moment I knew he was experienced when it comes to dating and had many girls, though I didn’t really know the kind of game he was playing at that time. After asking him some questions about the girl, I told him to reply to her messages, apologize and reconcile, but rather he smiled rudely and did the opposite of what I told him.
Honestly speaking, I thought she was trying her best to keep alive the relationship between them, but the reality is that he is the one to be reprimanded. You can’t just be calling someone that doesn’t care to call or message you back. It is excruciating. There is barely enough one person can do in keeping a relationship alive, at least both sides should care about each other for it to strive.
A friend once told me that a guy met her and asked for her number after which he said he would give her a call. Two days later, the guy actually kept his word and called her several times but she intentionally refused to pick or call back. I asked why, and she told me that the guy was too small for her, I mean not in her class. I smiled curiously and then began to speculate over the stories above, I guessed those two points of view were in conflict.
I said in my mind, the first guy, I mean my roommate was rejecting a girl while this one is rejecting a guy. From there, I discovered that I knew nothing about love. Personal experience is indeed a valuable source of knowledge.
Most of my friends are nice, one day I was sitting alone in my room, as usual, hearing the ticking of the clock, then I decided to come up with something, that is asking questions and telling friends how I feel. I sent these words to my friend (a girl, Rabi’at)
“I actually consider being in a relationship with someone that you are not going to marry as a waste of time, energy, and sometimes self-deceit.
It is like I have two souls in my body, the 1st one is telling me to learn how to talk to the opposite gender or to engage in a relationship with the opposite gender, while the other one is telling me that this is not the right time to approach a girl.
Sometimes I begin to ponder on which soul to follow, is it the one that supports a relationship or the one that is against it. The most important thing is to study the opposite gender you are interested in before approaching. But I even find it difficult to look at the face of the opposite gender. Though I had seen someone and I was so captivated by her beauty but never did I try to approach her.
You as my friend, I’m seeking your advice on how and when to approach the person that I’m interested in. Is it the right time to start a relationship?”
Then I sent this to a guy (Eric) “I feel lonely, I think I need a girlfriend.”
Both feedbacks were fascinating, educative, and impressive, saying things in common such as; If you really want to go into a relationship, ask yourself are you ready to do what it takes to have and sustain it? There is a girlfriend (romantic) and a Close friend (platonic).
But Eric said something unique which I contemplated over and summarized below.
If you are lonely play games, read books, call your friends, talk with family and friends. It’s possible to still be in a relationship and feel lonely. So, a girlfriend should not be a substitute to drive away your loneliness because you won’t value her except when you are lonely.
Though I’m still implementing what he told me, do you think his words deserve to be implemented?
Writer: Muhammad Mahdi Haliru
Afe Babalola University, Ado-Ekiti, Nigeria.
This Post Has 22 Comments
I really love this.
His advice is worth a lot for me.
Infact I’m putting it right at the back of my mind.
It feels good to know this doesn’t happen to you alone. I sometimes feel I need a boyfriend and at other times I don’t just know what I want
You know what I always tell people in situations like this.
If you ever get dumped. With or without reason. Don’t beg the person to reconsider. Even if they do, the love isn’t whole. Merely out of pity. They’d always have leverage over you and keep threatening to leave the relationship if you don’t do what they want.
Just detach and keep your peace of mind
Waw! Just wooow!
Eric’s words are golden …
I’m currently in 500L and NEVER in any form of relationship.
It isn’t a big deal actually but multi-factorial…
I just don’t like much tension. To spend time with family and siblings suffices, plus the fact I’m introverted., and many other factors.
I have tasted and seen love.
Late last year I lost my fish business to the floods, a friend out of the kindness of her heart gave me 150k to restart without strings, that’s love to me.
I had issues with paying my school fees, someone offered more than half of it, that’s love.
In my most vulnerable state I have someone who’s always want to hear me and assist me out that’s love.
I go out of my way to make my friends feel good about themselves that’s love.
It’s not just relationships, its life.
If you decide to restrict it to relationships, my parents have been together for 27years, I’ve seen them fight, smile, play etc but they’ve been together that’s love.
Love isn’t just a word, love is about who you are!
The problem with ‘loveless’ beings is that they feel everything is a transaction that deserves immediate feedback, wrong! Sometimes our little acts of love comes back in forms we don’t even expect.
Love is not scam!
I love this reply…we don’t have to restrict love to romantic relationships alone
Thanks for this wonderful story. I have learnt that loneliness can’t be cured with love. And I will always keep in mind the girl’s words👌
Love is an illusion. As medical students, I’m sure we know what that means. We think what we see is real, but it’s actually not. Looking deep into the situation from the angle of experience, it’s nothing but a pure illusion. It’s just like an open cut, if not sewn, germs could easily settle. Love opens the your heart just to destroy and leave you broken for life. Trying to amend it is just like a woman who’s recently healing from a CS. It’s a painful process. It’s better to avoid the lane.
My honest opinion♥️
Natha, I don’t know if you are male or female and I know this is your opinion but please if I can allow me to change your view, my dear love is not an illusion, our entire existence is because of love I mean how can you say love is an illusion. It’s just a pity that we the children of this time have a misconception about that word, love goes beyond the relationship between a boy and girl acting on hormones love is not being able to see your fellow person in pain, love is the willingness to sacrifice your own happiness for someone you love now some people will say it will be one sided it will be taken for granted, yes it may be so, but be content it grew in yours. That’s love. My dear love is not an illusion it’s real and it’s around us you just have to open your eyes to see it
The setting of this write-up displays two cases of romantic relationships. I didn’t see any other kind of love present here. There are other kinds of love, I agree to that, but once it gets to a romantic relationship, I see it as an illusion. It’s my honest opinion from an angle of experience.
If love cannot be reciprocated, what’s it’s essence?
Well, my love story is a little complicated but that do not make it in anyway unworthy! Am a sophomoric medico, my girlfriend and I are both in our second year but she studies a different course, the expected duration of which is 4 years. The thought of finishing her studies before me with at least 2 years leave us with seemingly unending challenge as we both know that it’ll be difficult for us to get married while am still in school(because my parents may not like it) and most likely her parents won’t allow her to wait for someone for years unless necessary. But then, love is sweet, we love each other and I spied a little hope, include us in your prayers😉. And I’m worried about single people tbh😢🥴
Are those guys okay ? 🥺
I am a very single person and I am very okay, thanks for asking, a relationship especially between the opposite sex shouldn’t be a criteria of my wellbeing, other things are inclusive, like money, food, my health and so on,
That’s about me sha oooh 😃
So yeah I am ok
Uncle, I am single and yes I may not be okay but G u too might not be okay. My ‘not okay’ is not because of an absent guy. Abi what okay is your gf giving that will make you okay forever?
PS: I know nothing about love and I am a small girl too
I believe that there isn’t anyone as a loveless being, either the affected persons was heartbroken by their experience so they become repulsive towards anything love and then be viewed as loveless, they tend to present heartless but they are not , they are afraid of having reoccuring terrible events as before, Funny thing I don’t know anything about love
So do you 🤔,😃
Honestly Love is a waste of time when you’re not doing it at the right time..more like you’re in love with the wrong person at the wrong time you’d just end up hurting yourself
No real ones again
Playing with someone’s feelings like it’s a normal thing is what I’m trying to adjust to..
I have become so stone heartened when it comes love
Nothing in it interests me anymore
All that should matter to you right now is your peace of mind and happiness…period
I am kind of aware of what it (Love) Entails but believe me each and every one of us will experience it but it’s a matter of time.
Being 30 doesn’t presumes you are ready to Love in Contrary being 18 doesn’t mean ya ain’t ready to Love.
It’s a beautiful thing and when it’s ya turn you will experience it no matter how old or young you are.
Am 19 and majority of my friends are in one relationship or the other buh that isn’t so for me not because of anything buh am not mentally ready. I still gat the feeling of being young and not ready every fucking day that I find it so hard to start a conversation with an Opposite Gender.
But one day I will be ready and make the right Decision
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you love the person people tend to mistake attraction,safety has love true love is the love of a mother to her child
Feeling safe or comfortable with someone doesn’t mean you love the person
People don’t understand love and believe what they read in books and watch in movies has love
This word is both intoxicating and misleading, only lucky people fall in love with the right person. Most of us don’t have the luck, we just assume, hope that we are with the right people. Attraction is not love, it’s just attraction, many date due to attraction and when the attraction fades, the love follows. Most just go with the flow, wherever the flow with this person ends, that of another will begin. It’s a way of life for them.
I know those that love me but I don’t have the ability to love them back. I have accepted it as my personality so I have removed relationships from my dictionary.
To me, love is a waste of time!!!
With a mindset like that, proves that you are a selfish person, stop limiting love to relationship. Everyone has the ability to love.
Let me give a totally different scenario
I was on my way to class one day on a bike, when I witnessed an accident, a watch vendor was hit by a bike, he was a fairly old man and he got blood on his mouth and was limbing to get his wares on the road, now my bike just zoomed past the incident but for that second I witnessed the scene, I had compassion on that man, a total stranger I have never met before and I saw someone struggling to make ends meet and something that devastating could happen to him.
I wasn’t comfortable that tlI couldn’t help him, so wen I was passing by again, I tried to scan for him but I couldn’t find him.
That’s love❤️, we shouldn’t love only people that loves us or people we think are will love us back or people we are looking forward to be in a relationship with.
Love everyone 💜 without expecting anything in return.
Love is an unexplainable topic, we all explain love according to our feelings and perspectives. With everyone experiencing different things and seeing different people, their interpretation of love differs.
Love is based on interaction, impression you have towards the other party. I am not selfish, I was only talking on love in relation to relationship partners. Naturally, I love my parents, siblings, in short every one with a good intention towards me.
Let me point out that compassion to a stranger in pain might not be out of love but morals. Seeing that stranger in a different circumstance e.g begging in the streets, would you have shown the same compassion?
Love is complex and unexplainable so don’t describe my opinion on love as being selfish!!!
Seems no one is talking about genuine love(agape love). That love you get or feel for family, friends or a well wisher. Almost everyone is talking about romance.
The best kind of love one can enjoy and be pleased is love without expectancy. Just give in the best to your relationship, and expect the best, or still, the worst. And, if the best doesn’t come, your intentions should justify your efforts.
In life don’t always hope on people, they will disappoint yo u. Learn to create your own happiness without people.
At times we need something else thinking we need a boyfriend or girlfriend. To me, all you need is just a good friend.
At times we think we need a lover whenever we are lonely, probably because of what we see or hear in the society. I’m not against you having a girlfriend or boyfriend oo but ask youself ‘why do I need a lover’? ‘Why exactly did I like this girl or boy? ‘Is this love, lust or affection?’
My childish opinion tho 😜